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yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7 - “I’m not good enough”: Why you must get past this fear

I’m not good enough…

…or variations of these four hateful words are exactly what prevent so many personal service providers from achieving huge success in their business.

They have the power to make you question everything about yourself.

They also have the power to change the course of your personal and professional life

So what’s the problem?

The problem is that we create stories about ourselves based on situations, past behaviors, events, and the people we surround ourselves with.  We take the information that is told to us, and we attach a truth to it, even though there may be no truth to it at all.

Remember the “circle of trust” from Meet the Fockers?  

Well each one of us has a circle of trust in our brain—normally we are not even aware of it.

The circle is made up of all the influencers in our lives, and we tend to filter their words into meaningful stories about ourselves.

The more we trust a specific influencer, the more we believe what we think they are saying, as our truth.

For example:  Your client has scheduled too much for one day. By the time she gets to you she is in a hurry, and impatient. She tells you that you need to work faster.  You hear “I’m not fast enough,” and you speed through your treatment, not really giving her the best of your talent.

Why? You couldn’t know that she had over scheduled her day.

However, you choose to believe that what she thinks is the correct version of the story.

Again, why?

Because in our “circle of trust” we believe the client has more influence over us, than we do, and therefore she must be right

Bologna!

In so many ways we are our own worst enemies.

The very nature of our work makes us predisposed to believing  (what we think is) the judgments of other.

A hairstylist could measure his success by a client leaving the chair happy.

An esthetician may measure her success by having a client re-book, or buy some recommended retail products.

Makeup artists might measure their success by the praise of the “talent” or the photographer.

Yogi’s look at how many students return to their classes week after week.

Naturally these are not the only measurements of doing our job well, but they are representative of what is really the problem here.

Root of the “I’m not good enough” label

I’m sure that every one of us reading this post could point to any influencer in the circle of trust and blame them for making us this way, right?

Who doesn’t know someone who’s ‘heard’….

I’m not smart enough

I’m not talented enough

I don’t work hard enough

I simply am not enough

It doesn’t help when people we trust say things that make us question ourselves, but really, that’s not the cause.

The cause is that you believe your fears more than your reality.

And we all do it.

And it sucks.

We allow our made up stories to create our truth and futures. Interestingly, when we do this, we disallow the possibility for a happy ending.

Isn’t that nuts!

But wait, there’s good news!

You can get past these fears by using just a couple of techniques.

1. Figure out what your fear is.

2. Determine if your fear is true or not.  This is super easy to do by asking yourself two questions. First, ask, “Is this exactly what is being said to me?” If the answer is YES, then it could be true, and you may have some work to do. If the answer is NO, then it is just a made up story and go to the next point.

3. Acknowledge that what you fear is just a story that you’ve made up about what might happen, or what might be true.

4. Put a twist on it and create a quick story that is the complete opposite. Example: Your story is that you are not talented enough. Your spin is that you are SO talented, that your boss doesn’t know how to support you.  It doesn’t matter if the spin story is true or not because your original story isn’t true either!

5.  Now, if you’ve followed these steps, you now have two completely different stories about your fear. One makes you weak and one makes you strong. If you must focus on one, focus on strength—it will serve you better.

Now, for the magic….

If the steps above don’t do it for you, this will work every time.

Put every ounce of energy, thought and intention on whomever you are serving.

If you have a client in your treatment room, focus all your thoughts on her, and just do the work.

The moment you feel fear creeping in, re-direct your thoughts back onto the client.

Seriously, this works.  It will take some practice, but it will work.

 

Vidal Sassoon had every reason to think he was not enough

When he was 3, his father left home and never came back. 

Not long after, his impoverished Mom had to give up he and his brother.

During WWII he was removed from where he lived because he was Jewish.

He chose to trust himself, and believe that he was bigger than his circumstances. And he was. He changed an entire industry.

What version of your story are you going to believe?

If you’ve got a fear that is preventing you from moving forward, or you’ve figured out another technique to get past it, please tell me about it in the comments below.